Where Does My Provision Come from?

I feel like I am at an important crossroads in life. I'm 42. Single. Under-employed. Non-homeowner. Many things in my life are not how I planned it. Not how I wanted it. Still, this is where I find myself today. And, I am and have been in the process of making significant life decisions. Such as teaching abroad again. Getting a TEFL certificate. I'm not young anymore! I'm getting older. And, on the one hand, there is the beauty and freedom of choosing to do whatever I would like to do. Then, on the other hand, there is the (boring) option of doing what is necessary to do. But, what is necessary? How does one define it? Where is my center? And where or what, is my core? When I was in my 20s and 30s life could be so carefree. Now, as I'm entering my 40s, I feel like I need to be more responsible; what does that mean? I think it's better to stay with a group of people for a long time, whenever possible. But, staying underemployed in my current job is not a very lucrative option. I need wisdom. I need prayer. I need to get before the Lord and hear from Him what my next steps should be. And, yet, we have choices. So, what will I choose? That is my current situation. And, so, that is why I feel like, and recognize that, I am at an important crossroads in life. I'm choosing how to make the best life possible for myself, and indirectly my decisions impact others around me. But, I feel like my income coming in right now is not enough to support myself. This is irony. And, yet, my job is not my provider; the truth is that Jehovah Jirah is my Provider. This is truth; and, choosing the best life for me, is that not allright? Should I not want and desire this?