I Admire My Friends' Blogs...

I was reading one of my friend's blogs yesterday, Jackie Bolen. Man, I am so jealous! She has the ability to take ordinary life, and write it into something creative, and interesting to read. I admire her blog, really. I also read Julene's blog, and it was good to read about her life, and what she's been up to. She's experiencing the change of life right now, and I admire her as well. And then there's Cara. She just finished her 2 years of teaching ESL in Asia, and now she gets to spend a summer studying further her Korean. I am so jealous of her. It seems like my friends are leading intersting, extraordinary lives, and then there's me, and like, my life seems so boring compared to theirs!! Well, I shouldn't compare, but, really, I do, or I did!! So, I am inspired from my blogging friends to try to make my blog more interesting, even the mundane of life. Ha, we shall see.

My life is pretty boring right now. I am limited to how I get around, since I am without a car right now. Walking in the heat this afternoon was barely tolerable. I am saving up for a bed right now, and then maybe I'll think about getting a car. Part of me opts not to get a car, simply because I don't look forward to paying $4 or $5 dollars a gallon for gas!! Really, $50 a month for a bus pass is more palatable for my budget, but, I would LOVE the freedom that comes from having your own wheels.

I've been studying Spanish less often than before. I bought a workbook and began to go through it, but got busy or burned out, or just side-tracked from my studies. But, I have friends at work who are hungry to learn English better, so, I am working on figuring out a way to help them! I bought bilingual word cards a few months back, for me to study for learning Spanish, but they have proved to be an entertaining way for my co-workers to learn English in a non-threatening format. Who would have guessed?

And, on another note, more seriously, my mental health. I hate that I have issues in this department, but, I do. Since being back in the States last November, I got to see a doctor in December. But, that was in the emergency room. They referred me to a county clinic. But, guess what? After reviewing my case, they decided I wasn't SICK ENOUGH to warrant full services from them. So, I went to a low-cost clinic, but the doctor there thought I was bipolar, and couldn't afford the medicines he wanted to prescribe me. So, he sent me back to the county clinic, and now I'm trying to find a doctor to HELP ME. I don't like BOUNCING from one doctor to another clinic, and not getting ADEQUATE CARE for my mind and emotions. I've been in a down mode for the past couple of weeks, but not ROCK BOTTOM like I've experienced before. Today I feel FINE, but, every day I never know how I'm going to feel. I'm not sure this makes any sense, but, it's part of the EBB AND FLOW of someone who struggles with depression, even if only mildly. So, if I can get the proper help I need, I should be fine. But, if I fall between the cracks, or, don't get the right kind of help I need in time, then I'll suffer needlesslly. I never want to make my friends suffer in memory of me. That would suck. For them I mean. Anyways, this is me, putting myself out there one more time.

I like living on my own. Sort of. I like where I live, in Yorba Linda. Our home feels peaceful. Our neighborhood feels safe. I like that. And, it's only about a 10 or 15 minute walk from the bus stop. My room is small, but it's all I need. And, most of all, there are people around me. So, it is the best thing for me right now. But, as I think about my life, especially my future, what is it? What do I have to look forward to? Who and where will I live as I grow old? I mean really, am I going to be 40 and 50 something, living in a rented room for the rest of my life? Is THAT what I have to look forward to? The thing I noticed that seems to trigger my suicidal thinking is of being alone. At 40. How did I get to this age, and not become married? What is so wrong and terrible with me that no one would want to marry me? These are the thoughts that bring me down.

And, I'm glad I got to share in this post. Until next time...

PS...I've got off this week 2 days, and hope to go to the beach, the sauna, who knows?

Father's Day...

It's the worst day in the world: Father's Day. I have to work. It's Sunday. I HAD been getting Sundays off, but my work schedule changed. Now, it's someone else's turn to get Sundays off~lucky for them!! So, I'm bored. Bored out of my mind. I cherish the friend times I had when I was in Korea. I don't have that now. Making time for friends seems to be so difficult, between different schedules. I like to cook on my days off. Last week I made fideo and also mexican meat with potatoes. I enjoy cutting up the vegetables and other ingredients, and seeing it all come together. I've been down in the dumps lately, and cooking was one of the highlights of my week. I am thinking about taking up the study of Korean this summer, simply as a hobby, to keep me occupied. I was also thinking of joining an adult summer reading program through the library. Until next time...

The Bucket List

Who here has seen the movie, "The Bucket List"? I have not yet seen it, but, I'd really like to. What are the things you'd like to do before you die? We all have them, dreams, hopes, desires, and aspirations. Do we dare begin and/or continue to achieve these? As for me, here is a short, list in progress, of my current hopes and dreams, or, put another way, my own bucket list. As you read, I hope it inspires you to create your own, if you haven't already begun one, of a bucket list.

Love and marriage with a man who ADORES me...
Africa~meet a pen pal, see a safari...
Fluency in 3 languages: English, Spanish, and Korean
Family time on a regular basis...
Complete Korean trip(s) scrapbooks =)
Enjoy my life...be happy...choose cheerfulness...
Make or create a photo book of places I've personally traveled to
Write and publish a book...specifically, my autobiograpy...
Work and/or volunteer in an orphanage abroad...

Family Matters...

2 white clouds alone in the clear sky blue sky, as we were traveling the 710 freeway to visit grandma's house. She told us to enjoy our lives. She's 84. Her grandmother lived to 100 or more, so, she might live a long time too. We enjoyed jamba juice, and refreshing drinks at the beach. Huntington Beach. What a fantastic day!! A ton of people who also wanted to ejnjoy the California sunshine were there as well. Must have been in the 90s if not 100. After laying out for a while we dipped into the beach water. So cool, so refreshing!! Was loving every minute of it. Thursday~a day of hanging out at Borders with my precious sister, Mia. Then off to Don JOse's for a spur of the moment dinner with the siblings. Turned out EVERYONE came, to bid farewells to our dear sister. Paul, June, Joey , Steph. Mom too!! We laughed and we laughed. It was a bar, where were sitting in, after all!! Friday nite Mia made a chocolate cake, half with white frosting, and the other half with chocolate frosting. What a great solution to the differing taste buds of our family...and all could enjoy a piece without bickering!! Yes, even Saturday we had drinks and appetizers at El Torito, while the Lakers were playing. Last Sunday we enjoyed a full day at the Korean spa, as previously mentioned in another blog. We all got massages and scrubs...it was a fun, relaxing experience, and, we did it ogether!! Thursday nite we got pedicures and manicures, mom's treat!! Again, the 3 girls TOGETHER. Such a wonderful wonderful week of BEING TOGETEHR. I'm gonna miss my dear sister Mia, as she travels to another country and does her thing. It's so great that she gets to do that. And, I will treasure the times we had together this week, in my heart, and in my memory, for a long long time. She's putting up pictures of our time together. I can't wait to see them . See you in 3 months Mia, before you take off again for another year!! Love you and miss you sister!!

Inter Cultural Reltationships

I am sooooo happy. Why? Because my sister is in town this week, and we got to spend some time together! (She's been working out of town the past year, so we hadn't gotten to see much of each other lately.) I invited her to try a Korean sauna here in the Orange County (California) area, and she said YES!! Not only did she enjoy it, but my mom did as well. We got the Korean style scrubs and oil massage, and I was so thrilled that they liked it. WE were so relaxed! But, what was interesting to me, was to get their input, feedback and comments on some of the other jim jil bang rooms there too. For example, when we walked into one of the cool/colder rooms, they were like, oh, this is the walkin refrigerator, and oh, the walls are white like the snow!! Yes, there comments were true, but it gave me great pleasure in hearing them. It was theri first experience. I remember my first experience. I didn't like it. Amazing thing is,now I LOVE the sauna/spas and gim jil bangs!! I love to relax there and "de-stress". On another note,we also visited mly granma in Los Angeles. I'llwrite more about it later. but,one thing that sttood out in my heart and mind from that visit were the words and comments made by her. She told us to "enjoy our lives while we were still young". She told us, you've eenjooyed your life with all your travels. It made an impact on me. I'm getting ready to make my "bucket list" now, and rent the video. Until next time...Mon

Is Revival Happening in the USA?

Is revival happening in the USA?

Find out for yourself by logging into www.god.tv or on dish tv on the god tv channel.

Last weekend, my friend took me to her church. I spent the night at her house, in Los Angeles, she fed me a homemade Korean dinner. Then in the morning she fed me toast and eggs, along with fresh fruit, blackberries in season, and then she drove us to her church in Mission Viejo. What a service it was! All I can say is that it seemed like the power of God was in that place, and the presence of God was in that place. Just hearing the Word of God preached, and singing the Word of God was completely uplifting to me. Afterwards, we went with a group of missionaries to Korea for Korean food in Irvine. It was one of the few times I have had Christian fellowship in a long time.

So, God did a miracle in me; I wanted to return to worship service Sunday night! And, the neat thing was, I felt like I belonged. The building was familiar, and the people were familiar. I got to see many old friends and leaders, and, I just wonder to myself, what took me so long? I'm reading the Word more lately, but, I still have a long ways to go. My friend Byron told me, to get soaked in the Word. THAT is my goal, and, I hope, and pray, God sends people my way to soak in the Word together with!!! I really do~until next time...

Does God love me?