A Day in the Life of a Person living with Depression

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

July~it's been a not so good month
1. I went off my meds b/c I had no DR to refill the Rx's.
2. Around the beginning of July I was sad~suicidal b/c alone, w/o family on the 4th, a major US holiday
3. I cried many times throughout the month for seemingly no reason, but there were usually "triggers", but they tended to be small things though not at the time...

Yesterday (Monday) my desire for sleep increased. I didn't want to go to work. I wanted to stay home and sleep all day. I overslept and missed my bus. I had to call my boss to say that I'd be late. =(

At work, however, a strange thing happened. Although I didn't feel like being there, I acted like it was great to be there anyways! In fact, many guest noticed and commented on my pleasant work attitude!! They also admired my green sparkly fingernails. My manager let me stay 2 hours longer than my scheduled shift, which gave me an 8 hour work day rather than 6.

I called my friend from S. Korea, Eugene (she's in the States now) after work. I went grocery shopping. I cooked dinner. (I learned that I enjoy cooking and doing things I like to do.) I was up until 11 or 12 not even tired. I was energized. Somehow, a transaction occcurred during the day of my poor, negative mental attitude of the morning changing by the evening into a "normal" state. I wasn't depressed. I wan't suicidal. I was no longer craving lsleep like before.

Yes, it was also the day before my 2 days off from work. But, I was planning to sleep those 2 days. Not anymore.

So, something strange but good happened to me yesterday. I'm not sure what it was, nor why it happened. But, I'm glad it did, and I'll "flow" with it.

1. I think it may be the ebb-n-flow of depression, which doctors say symptoms come and go.
2. I seemingly woke up depressed, but later in the day it disappated all by itself.
3. I'll have to begin re-examening myself more in terms of moods. I haven't been keeping careful records in awhile. This info. is important and invalueable and helfpul to provide for my doctor!!

Teacher Reunion

Yesterday we met for a mini reunion with a group of four friends. We used to work together as teachers almost 10 years ago. It was sooo great to see them. Lots has happened in our lives since we met as teachers long time ago. Joanne has 2 boys. Jan lost almost 100 pounds. Suzy has retired, and leads a busy life in crafting. Me, I seem to them down and out, surviving, but deserving of better. Made them feel grateful for what they do have by seeing what I don't have. I went home more depressed after meeting them. Was not what I expected it to be. But, having down moods is my problem, no one elses.