Naturally Supernatural

In my quiet time the other day I read an encouraging passage of Scripture that I want to share with you.

For we are to God the aroma of Christ among those who are being saved and those who are perishing. To the one we are the smell of death; to the other, the fragrance of life. 2 Corinthians 2:15-16

I was so encouraged and edified from reading this verse. God made me realize that his words are words of life to those who are being saved; that He could use me, my mouth, to edify the saints that I come in contact with on a daily basis. So, while I was at work, I began to praise the Lord in song. In Spanish song actually. And, it was so fun! But, more importantly, the words I sang imparted life and grace to the hearers.

God has been filling me with his spirit and imparting a boldness to speak and sing for him in the workplace. When a co-worker was sick, I prayed for him. When a believing customer came in with a problem, I prayed for her aloud as naturally as I was conducting her transaction. His grace is upon my life! Hallelujah, praise the Lord.

Studying Korean Again...

My alarm goes off at 7 am, as I had set it for, allowing myself one hour to get ready. But, I continued to press the snooze button until I could snooze no more. I slept overnite at the Korean Grand Spa, a 24 hour place that is similar to a jim jil bang, but, the sleeping room has these foam mats you get to sleep on, and the floor is heated, and the men's rooms are segregated from the women/s. So, Saturday morning I get ready to go to my Korean language class. I'm running late because I HAD to sleep in. Luckily, I catch a bus and walk into class only 2 or 3 minutes late, and am the first to arrive! The rest of the class gets there eventually as well. We are a small class of only 5 students. It was our last class of the quarter. We will have a final exam in 2 weeks. I'll probably be a studying hermit until then; I'd like to do well on the test, and make some effort towards my Korean studies!

During class, one of the students mentioned about the Korean raisin bread. I have been craving this for some time now. So, after class I ventured on a hunt for a Korean bakery for the raisin bread. I came to the PARIS BAGUETTE in Koreatown, Los Angeles, and found something suitable to eat, though not exactly what I was looking for. And, right next door to the bakery was a pc bang (internet cafe). So, I decided to take a peak into the pac bang.

Tonite I have to get my laundry done. And, start thinking about what to bring for our school potluck...I'm thinking of making homemade bread pudding, buying tamales, or making a chile and egg casserole. Hmmm...so many choices!

What to do???

I'm thinking about the following options for now.


Option #1~Teach at Pagoda?
Pay is good.
Students are uni and adult students.
Korean language class offered at low rate.
High population of western teachers at school.
December (end) start.

The hours are poor~split shifts, meaning 7am to 10am then again 6pm to 9 or 10pm.

Option #2~Teach at a public school?
Would have the support of a repuable recruiting agency; found by word of mouth with other satisfied teacher clients.
The hours are good~teach 3 or 4 classes per day but must remain at school during office hours, probably 9 to 5.
The class size would be large, probably around 30 students per class.
I would be the only western teacher at the school.
March new school year start.

What to do? What to do?

A third option is to continue waiting and stay put where I am now.

Thou shall not...

Thou shall not complain!!
Thou shall look on the bright side, and be positive, at all times!!!
These are my mottos right now in life.

What to do for mom's birthday?

I hope you all get a chance to go to the Glen Ivy Spa in Corona. What a relaxing day with my mom, in pools, jacuzzis, saunas, and a mud bath. Oh so good! And, you can get in free and enjoy all the ammemities on the day of your birthday!!

A New Day...

I feel nervous, excited, anticipatory...today is a new day. Actually, in about an hour and a half, I am scheduled for an interview. It could change my life. It is an interview over the phone for a teaching position in Korea. Again!!! And, wow, I am soooooooo excited, mainly to see old friends, and really try to pay off the student debt. And, yet, I must say, I have begun to enjoy and adapt to my new life here. It seems only recently many things have begun to fall into place in my life here. So, my teaching position will most likely start in the winter, end of December, but, we will probably talk about it tonite. I hope you've been praying for me!!

Korean Language Class...

Yep, I did it! I signed up for the fall season of Korean Language Study at the Yonsei campus in Los Angeles. It'll be for 10 weeks on Saturday mornings from 9am to 1pm. I start in 2 weeks. I am doing this in hopes that it'll better prepare me for living in Korea (again) this winter. And, if not, then it'll be a hobby and fun way to pass the time for me for now! Annyung!!

Embracing Life...

I signed up for this class at my church called, "Embracing Life". So far I just love it ! We start off with about 30 minutes of worship and singing, then have a teaching time. After that we have a large group sharing time (there's about 35 of us in the class), and then we break up into our small groups. I am so excited about my small group! WE have 10 ladies, from all different walks of life. We are studying themes related to Christian living, so I'm so excited! It's a 14 week commitment, with a catered party to celebrate the end!!

A New Home...

I moved into a home in Yorba Linda with 3 other gals. I have my own bedroom, and share the house with them. I can't believe I live there! It is so big! A kitchen, a dining room, a living room, plus a huge backyard, and all within walking distance of a bus line. So, I am pleased, and I am blessed. The gals I live with are all Christian gals, so, I am hoping for good things in my future!!

What does God want?

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to gie you a hope and a future."
Jer 29.11

A Spiritual Journey...

So last month I had been reading and studying the Bible. I was studying Amos, and 1st and 2nd Peter. One of the things that stood out in my heart and mind was to begin a "Commands of Christ" study where I would focus on the teachings of Christ with an intent to appy them to my life. Amazing! As I began to live like the Word says to, I felt like "this is the way life is supposed to work". When we do things God's way, our lives work better.

So, in 1 Peter God says that we are to seek peace and pursue it. This verse seemed to "pop" out at me, and I began to think where in my life I needed to seek peace and pursue it. Then I thought of my debt, my student loans, and wouldn't it be nice if they were paid off? I began to think about the best way to do that, and boom, then I thought about returning to Korea again for teaching English and paying off my student debt.

Prior to that, I wasn't even thinking about going back. I was focused on my job here and adjusting to life here, in the States. So, I've decided to make some steps towards moving back there, such as applying for positions. So, I'm in the process of waiting to hear back from employer(s) regarding any open teaching positions. In the meantime, I thought I'd ask a few close friends what they thought about me returning and got some feedback from them. Now, I'm waiting and praying for God's timing on when (and if) to go. I'm praying for a surrendered heart to God, whether I stay or go. And, I've also prepared my updated resume for my new job search.

A part of me can't wait to return to Korea now, because fall is such a beautiful time of year in Korea!!! But, who knows the future? Only God knows our future!

Crossroads...

The Bible says to seek peace and to pursue it (1Peter). So, I thought I'd return to Korea once again to pay off student loans.

Today my boss asked me if I were interested in becoming a shift supervisor within the company.

What to do...what to do...

Maggot Update

So, in case you were wondering, there were only 2 stray maggots lurking around the living room carpet when I got home last nite. And, then this morning, there were like one or two roaming around in the kithchen. When I came home from work last nite I vacuumed the whole house. And, this morning I used a mop with pine sol disinfectant to clean the kitchen floor. I guess our bug problem is getting better!

Consuming Fire

Consuming Fire...fan into flame...renew our hearts again...give us passion for your name...

There seems to be a new theme going on at our church...our pastors are leading us into deeper prayer and intimacies with God...I want to go there as well...we are crying out to God for more of Him in our lives...we are crying out to God to be strong and mighty in our lives...to be God in our lives...we are crying out to God to bring revival into our land...and we are crying out to God to begin by bringing revival into our own lives first...

To be continued...

A New Buddy

A guy walks into the cafe yesterday. And, for some odd reason, I decide to give him a "look", a "friendly look", with raised eyebrows and a nice smile!! He was taken aback, and a bit surprised. He decided to ask me how old my co-worker was, because he thougth she was "kind of cute". So, I told him she's "too young for you!" And, I have no idea what he ordered, but he told me not to tell her he was asking about her. Which of course I IMMEDIATELY told ANOTHER co-worker about the Asian guy that was interested in her.

So, it's Sunday and I'm off work, I head to the evening worship service. Guess who I run into? Yes!! You guessed it~the SAME guy who had been at my cafe, asking about that girl!!!

It was strange, and hilarious (to me) at the same time!! After the worship service he introduced himself to me. I now have a new buddy~his name is William!!

Gross and Disgusting...Ew!!

Not much for a title, but it's all I could think of on the fly. So, this morning I wake up and get ready for the day. As I walk out of my bedroom into the kitchen there is a mess all over the floor. Upon closer inspection they look like maggots! I am grossed out to the max upon seeing them. Eee-you!! Ugh. So, I walk across the kitchen floor, being extremely careful not to step on any of them.

My bedroom is right next to the kitchen. And, in our kitchen, they keep the trash right next to my bedroom door. The summer weather has been pretty warm lately, and flies love to come inside our place. So, I guess that combination of things, along with no one emptying out the trash every night, made for a VERY MESSY AND VERY GROSS situation.

I cleaned up the maggot mess along with lysol spraying everything too. When I go home from work today, I am afraid of what I might find! I hope the maggots don't return. I hope I didn't miss one or two, that somehow reappear there! I dread going home today to see what I might find!

Thank God for my mom who understands EVERYTHING!!! She's a great person to talk with. This morning she got to hear my horrible maggot story. Lucky mom!!

Habla espanol???

Yesterday after work, one of my old teacher friends, Suzy, came into my store. So, we had a chance to chit chat and visit! It was sooo great to see her again. Actually, she came with a purpose! Her church is going on a missions trip to Mexico next month, and she was hoping I could teach her some simple Spanish expressions. It was sooo fun to do that! She'll pass on the Spanish translations to her team. They'll be working with an orphanage and blessing the kids!! Amen, and amen!

Breathe New Life on Me oh Lord...

I love when we apply the Word of God to our lives, and it works!!

Wednesday night, I was hungry for the Word of God in my life, so I proceeded to study 1Peter, looking specifically for the commands of Christ to obey. Boy, did I find alot! One of the things I learned was how when we are mistreated, even though we might be tempted to mistreat the person who hurt us back, and take a kind of revenge on them, the Bible clearly teaches that we are to return an insult with a blessing for them. Also, we are to be eager to be the first one to give a blessing to others, not to wait for them to bless us. So, as I went into work Thursday morning, armed with a fresh study of the Word of God from the previous night, God did an amazing thing! I was eager to greet my co-workers first, with cheerfulness, rather than wait for them to greet me. Also, Miguel, one of my co-workers, that I often rub edges with, I set out to be extra kind to him. And, guess what? It worked~he was nice to me too. I felt like God had breathed life into his very own words.

Tonight I was eager to read and study the commands of Christ from 2 Peter, and there are many! The theme of my life right now is: "I am growing in becoming a doer of the Word!!!"

Self Awareness Begins at 40

Depression is a weird thing. As I was thinking about it yesterday, it crossed my mind: depression, for me, is like a light switch that turns off and on. When the switch is turned off, there is darkness, an overwhelming depression that varies in degrees from mild to alot. On other days, when the switch is turned on, there is nothing but light and lightness to my days. I feel "normal" at those times. I feel clear headed.

As I was pondering this analogy of the light switch for depression, I also thought about how I am unable to control the switch. That is what makes depression, for me, a challenging thing. But, on the up side, I am learning to become more self aware as well as I am learning of positive ways to deal with and attempt to overcome the condition.

At this point, I don't know if it will be a life long struggle, or a temporary seasonal one. Whatever the case may be, I prefer the light days much more than the dark ones, that is for sure!! =)

A Day in the Life of a Cashier

So you want to use your credit card to pay for your meal? Allright, fine, go ahead. But, just make sure it is a card that belongs to you!

A kid,of about age 16, came into our cafe last Sunday night, wanting to use a credit card, to pay for his meal. It was his mother's credit card. But, there was no mother in view. I considerately declined accepting his card, since it wasnt' his, and the names didn't match from his I.D. and the credit card.

I was just doing my job. Don't make me look like the bad guy!!

Life's Blessings..

There is such a peace whenever I go over to my next door neighbor's house, Jenny, friend from college.

After Tuesday's earthquake, I made sure my roommates were okay. Other than a few things fallen over, we were all okay. Just alot of rattled nerves. I remembered my friend and next door neighbor, Jenny, who has 4 boys under the age of 10. I decided to go check on her and see if they were okay. We had a nice visit, talking about the earthquake, and how scared we all were! After some time at her house I left and went about my day. However, as I was leaving, one of her boys invited me over for lunch the next day, being today. Since I had the day off from work, I accepted her invitation and went over there about noon.

It was a nice, and a little bit of a longer than expected time together. She cut up vegetables, like carrots, sunflower root, broccoli, and also 2 cheeses, munster and provolone. Everything was like sooooo fresh! She also had prepared a green tossed salad, and I brought some Korean tea, citron tea, to share with them. As we prepared the meal together, setting the table, she had this lovely routine. One of the boys gets to pick a name from the basket. In the basket are a bunch of family and friends and missionaries that they pray for together. So, they picked out her brother and their family to pray for and that is who we prayed for together before our meal. It was a neat routine that I really really liked!! I thought it was a great way to teach kids about prayer, getting them involved in it, as a natural and everyday part of our lives.

As we spent time together, I thought, wow, isn't God so good? He knows exactly what we need, and gives us what we need exactly when we need it. He knew I needed friends so he gave me Jenny. Not only that, but, he knows I need godly friends, which Jenny is the epitome of! But not only do I need godly friends, I think I need friends of which we have roots together. Jenny and I have been friends since our college days, which was almost 20 years ago. There is a special warmth and comfort that comes from a friend of old, even if we didn't always keep in touch. For whatever reason, God has seen fit to bring us together now for this season of our lives. And, I am thankful. Finally, God also knows that I need and crave family time. Being with her boys definately provides that, and the joys that come from being with young ones.

So, as the saying goes, God is good, and God is good all the time, he has proven himself faithful to me again. And, I am grateful, and I am awed. Smiling...oh, one more thing, her son invited me over again for tomorrow, but I had to gracefully decline due to my work schedule. But, I've promised to go back there next week on one of my days off. Her boys love me!!

A Day in the Life of a Person living with Depression

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

July~it's been a not so good month
1. I went off my meds b/c I had no DR to refill the Rx's.
2. Around the beginning of July I was sad~suicidal b/c alone, w/o family on the 4th, a major US holiday
3. I cried many times throughout the month for seemingly no reason, but there were usually "triggers", but they tended to be small things though not at the time...

Yesterday (Monday) my desire for sleep increased. I didn't want to go to work. I wanted to stay home and sleep all day. I overslept and missed my bus. I had to call my boss to say that I'd be late. =(

At work, however, a strange thing happened. Although I didn't feel like being there, I acted like it was great to be there anyways! In fact, many guest noticed and commented on my pleasant work attitude!! They also admired my green sparkly fingernails. My manager let me stay 2 hours longer than my scheduled shift, which gave me an 8 hour work day rather than 6.

I called my friend from S. Korea, Eugene (she's in the States now) after work. I went grocery shopping. I cooked dinner. (I learned that I enjoy cooking and doing things I like to do.) I was up until 11 or 12 not even tired. I was energized. Somehow, a transaction occcurred during the day of my poor, negative mental attitude of the morning changing by the evening into a "normal" state. I wasn't depressed. I wan't suicidal. I was no longer craving lsleep like before.

Yes, it was also the day before my 2 days off from work. But, I was planning to sleep those 2 days. Not anymore.

So, something strange but good happened to me yesterday. I'm not sure what it was, nor why it happened. But, I'm glad it did, and I'll "flow" with it.

1. I think it may be the ebb-n-flow of depression, which doctors say symptoms come and go.
2. I seemingly woke up depressed, but later in the day it disappated all by itself.
3. I'll have to begin re-examening myself more in terms of moods. I haven't been keeping careful records in awhile. This info. is important and invalueable and helfpul to provide for my doctor!!

5.4 Magnitude Earthquake...

I'm like getting ready for the day when this HUGE earthquake topples over us. Epicenter near Chino Hills, and near me also. Felt long, and scary. Reminded me of God's sovereignty over our lives; how He truly is in control!! And, caused me to rethink, "Am I right with God?"

My Options so Far...

So I want to pay off some bills. What is the best way for me to go about it? Here are some of my options:

1. Get a second job, such as tutoring. Use that money to pay off debt.
2. Find a better paying full-time job. Be sure it is located near the railway or bus station since that is my main mode of transportation lately.
3. Teach English abroad again in South Korea. Set up my accounts now for automatic withdrawal so as to have all debts paid off within a year.
4. Declare bankruptcy. Live with difficulties the next 7 years or more with a bad credit mark.

What to do...what to do...

Shall I Return to South Korea?

So, I'm just pondering, "should I return to S. Korea?"

On the plus side, I've got some pretty good friends there, like Hanna, Soyoung, and Jackie!! Another plus is in being very familiar with Korea, the terrain, the language, the culture.

On the negative side, I'd miss another year of life in the USA with family. Nephews are growing up so fast! Another negative is my mind and mood. I'd have to be prepared for suffering from lonliness, and depression.


My motivation? I have some bills that I'd like to pay off. And, teaching ESL in Korea would enable me to pay those bills in quicker fashion than in doing what I'm doing now. Now I'm barely surviving...just maintaining, and not able to save let alone pay some debts that I have. Another option would be to change jobs here to a higher paying one. But, again, I have the transportation issue~I'm without a car right now. So, I've been wondering if I should do this or not. What do YOU think? Are there any other options you can see or think of that I've not thought of? Thanks for letting me know!!

Suffering...Does God Have a Plan?

Do you ever wonder if there's any purpose in our sufferings? IS there even a purpose to it? What are the things that bring you to suffering? For me, it can be lonliness; feeling unloved; being single at age 40. It can also be working as an "underemployed" person; meaning, I have more skills and training, but, I'm not utilizing them in my field. I'm trained as a professional teacher but I'm currnetly employed as a cashier. I have no car. I have to get around everywhere by foot or bus, or on the goodwill of others. I don't even have my own apartment for I don't earn enough money to pay more rent; consequently, I have to live within my means which means renting a room for now. I feel a sense of "stuckness" in my life, sort of. And yet, I know that I'm "passing through" this season, and that it will accomplish God's purpose in my life, though now I may not be able to see it. Suffering is a natural part of our lives, I've discovered, after reading 1 Peter 4:12,13,14,15. No one ever told me that! I used to think we were supposed to be "happy and blessed" all the time because we're Christians. But, that's only a part of life. Suffering is another part of life that we too must or, do, take part in. Only now am I realizing in greater measure, that suffering has a purpose in God's economy, and I don't have to fight it. I can accept and surrender where I am at in this point in my life, and trust God that He has a purpose for it. (Some people may feel sorry for me, but, they cannot SEE that God is doing a work in me. Just my opinion.) What do YOU think? Do you agree? Do you disagree? What are your thoughts on suffering? Do you have any stories of suffering you can share with me?

There's a Thief in Our Area!!

So, my manager counts my drawer and come to find out, another employee rang up their food on my cash register without paying for it. But, I'm the one who will get in trouble for it because I'm responsible for what happens on my drawer. From now on my manager has advised me to lock my drawer whenever I am away from my register, and to not allow anyone else to use my drawer, even during busy times. I'm angry another co-worker took advantage of my trust! Grrr....

Sadness...

So I've got this numbing, slight tingling feeling in my hands and fingers. Kind of a bummer! My left middle finger and thumb feel faint pretty much most of the time. As a cashier, when I'm counting back the change, I tend to use those two fingers the most; repetitive motions. Oh, I am so bummed. Even with 1000mg of tylenol I can still feel the tingling. Sadness, oh well.

Mama Mia!!

I thought Mama Mia, the movie, was coming out NEXT weekend. Turns out, it came out LAST weekend. So, I missed seeing it the opening weekend. But, on Monday I got off work early, so I texted my mom and sisters if they wanted to go see it. I got one response from my mom that she'd like to go. So, the two of us went to the nearby Cinemopolis theaters and saw the show. My boss kept me at work until 5:45, and I was supposed to be off at 3:30. Whatever. I RAN to the theaters, and we got to see the first scene in the movie. A musical. A dance. And, a really entertaining time.

After the movie, my mom needed to go to Target. So we browsed around. I got a gift certificate for my sister Amy, since her bday is this week. Hopefully she'll like it, and pick out something she'd enjoy. I don't usually like to do that, giving gift cards as gifts, but, I was in a quandry so I did. At least I got her something, so she won't feel forgotten on her bday. I also picked out some pretty cereal bowls, and some basic silverware. Things a girl needs. And toothpaste. How boring!! LOL. I slept so good that nite cuz Iwas quite the tired one!!

Why do I Love korea???

So, I had a day off and what do I do? I go to the Korean spa in LA, where you can stay overnite. (Grand Spa). I got a manicure in the morning. I wish I had my camera, then you too could see and experience the lime green with sparkle she painted on my fingernails. But, above and beyond that, she modeled to me what it means to "be a blessing" to others. First of all, she was soooo nice!! Even though her English was not impressive, she decided she would teach me Korean. Lucky for me, a free Korean lesson!! LOL. Anyways, another customer brought her California rolls for breakfast, and, she shared hers with me! Wasn't that nice? She was so hospitable to me. I learned alot about her as well. She didn't start nails until she was around 46 years old! (Now she's 67). It made me have hope about "starting over" in your "older years". I mean mature years! Hehe. She is a minister's wife. And, she reminded me, in words, that "Jesus loves me". Though as Christians we profess to know this over and over, I am in a place of needing reassurance that it's really true, how much he loves me. And, then this lady, a total stranger to me, decides she's going to tell me about Jesus. So, I was encouraged from my manicure. And, she modeled to me how we can use our everyday lives in worship of our King!

I'm Gonna Study Korean Again this fall...

Starting September, I hope to enroll in a Korean language study course at KLI Yonsei LA (the Korean Language Institute at Yonsei Los Angeles Campus). Each quarter runs for 10 weeks. So, I'm hoping to start September to November. After that, we'll see. I have some important decisions to make regarding what to do next. Continue my Korean studies in Los Angeles, or ??? Only God knows our future!!

To Move or Not to Move???

I pay $550 per month in rent for a nice bedroom in a safe home in Yorba Linda, and near my work. Full privalages, not much more you could ask for. One of my co-workders offered me a room in his apartment to rent for cheaper, like for $400 a month. I was keen on taking him up on his offer. After all, the rent alone would be enticing enough: just much better for me overall! However, after pondering about it some more, I've decided NOT to take it. Why? Because, I don't wanna spend 40 minutes everyday on a bus ride to get to and from work. Currently, I ride the bus for like 5 minutes. I guess that works bettter for me right now. Even better would be a cheaper room for rent closer to work, then no bus fare, and lower rent. Now THAT would be nice!!

I'm Like a Girl in a Candy Store

So, yesterday, being my day off, I ventured into the new library located near my house. It has EVERYTHING!! Computers, books, magazines, study rooms, study tables, helpful librarians, copy machines, and even a vending machine for snacks and drinks, not to mention a highly efficinet air conditioning system, that kept me cool and relaxed all day long. Did I say I felt like a kid in a candy store? Books galore, to keep me occupied all day long. And,wonderful air conditioning so I don't have to sweat my face off. And, tables where I could read a Living Life Devotion or study my Spanish. With lots of peace and quiet. I am llike a girl in a candy store. Such pleasant delights, so nice!!

A Scooter is Cheaper

A scooter is cheaper than a car. And, it gets like 80 miles to the gallon. So, this morning I was thinking, maybe I should get a scooter? I'd only use it for traveling to and from work. It would beat walking, which, isn't so bad except for in the heat and humidity. That's when it stinks!! Well, a bike would be even cheaper to buy, and would accomplish the same goals of transportation for less money. Hmm...what to do, what to do.

Thoughts on Life

My life won't always be this way. Hopefully, someday, it'll be better. In the meantime, I can hang out and relax, rather than stress out about my life or where I'm headed.

Yes, I'm 40 and single. I could dwell on self-pitiful thoughts such as what is wrong with me, why doesn't anybody love me? Or, I can embrace my singleness at 40 and know that I may be getting closer to meeting Mr. Right, and, in the meantime, enjoy the freedoms that come with singleness. I can make a choice to celebrate life; I don't have to despair in lonliness.

Also, I am 40 and not a homeowner yet. It is highly unlikely that I ever will be. I can despair, or choose to appreciate that I still have a roof over my head, and am not out on the streets. I have a job which I genuinely enjoy. It may not earn me googles and oogles of money, but, it's food on the table and a movie to enjoy once in awhile.

I feel like life is good. Society may look at me and say I'm a loser, barely surviving, or deserve better, which may be true. But, still, this is where I am at today, and I can embrace it. This is the experience life has to offer me today.

I feel this season of my life is a preparation time for whatever God has next for me. In the meantime, I choose to believe that life is good; "LG". Finally,this too shall pass (this season of hardship). My life is not always going to be this way. It'll change. Our trials in life either make us bitter, or they make us better. I hope and pray they make me better!

God's Heart for Me...

This past Sunday morning I had plans to meet up with a friend, but, as it turned out, God had other plans for me. My friend was a no-show at Starbucks, where I was doing my quiet time from Living Life Devotions. So, I decided to walk to my home church, getting there about 20-30 minutes late. Even in the parking Lot, I ran into an old friend, Rosemary. She's from Kenya, Africa. Three years ago her son was in my Sunday school class! Wow, how he'd grown, twice his former height!! Anyways, it was soooo good to run into Rosemary, and catch up a little bit.

Then, as I was walking to the ladies room I ran into another old friend, Frances and her husband. It was such a blessing to see her also. We ended up chit chatting for a bit, and I sat with her and her husband for the service. After the pastor gave the sermon we had communion time. We broke up into small groups, and, guess who I saw? Another old old friend, Chris!!!!! I have always loved him and his wife, Anka, so, what a blessing it was to see them!!!

I felt blessed that morning, so glad to have attended the morning worship service. Later during the day, God reminded me again that his heart is for me. He's not into ignoring me! He loves me; He forgives me. Our pastor taught on Matthew 11, the pearl of great price. Do we "get it" yet? I can't wait to attend worship service again next week!!!!! Thanks for your prayers, saints!!

Teacher Reunion

Yesterday we met for a mini reunion with a group of four friends. We used to work together as teachers almost 10 years ago. It was sooo great to see them. Lots has happened in our lives since we met as teachers long time ago. Joanne has 2 boys. Jan lost almost 100 pounds. Suzy has retired, and leads a busy life in crafting. Me, I seem to them down and out, surviving, but deserving of better. Made them feel grateful for what they do have by seeing what I don't have. I went home more depressed after meeting them. Was not what I expected it to be. But, having down moods is my problem, no one elses.

A Wrong Relationship...

Have you ever dated someone, and you knew you were in a wrong relationship? You knew that even though the guy might be nice, and a cool dude, he wasn't right for you, and that you should let him go. That is the place I find myself in these days. I have been "seeing someone" and talking, but, I know that he's not the one. And, yet, my heart suffers from intense lonliness, so I have justified seeing him in my mind. I have deceived myself into believing that being with the wrong one is better than being alone, again. My heart is in a tug-of-war. Does that make sense? I want to do the right thing. And, when I'm "strong" I am able to stand alone. But, I don't always feel strong, willing to be alone, and when that happens, we are talking and seeing each other. Leaving a loved one behind can be so hard. It doesn't matter that my mind knows that leaving him will create a space for the right one. Getting from here to there, but having to suffer (of lonliness) in the process, is what I've been resisting so far. And that's my story of the day.

A Dream of 3 Men...

I have the strangest dreams, from time to time! So, not surprisingly, last night I dreamt of my 3 male managers. They took me to another restraunt, and we were all working our butts off there! By working our butts off, I mean that we were running around, and working hard.

And, speaking of dreams, sometimes they are happy dreams too! Often I have dreams of former friends, and we are together, having good times! Those have been the best kind!!

Amos Ending

So, after work today, I decided to visit the Starbucks next door. I was looking for a way to stay cool before walking home in this hot weather. I got a flavored refreshing ice tea drink, and began to read. Since my QT from Living Life devotionals is in the book of Amos, I decided to start there. I continued reading from like chapter 5 until the end. (Well, I had the time today to read that much.) I felt discouraged as I read it because God is like, not too happy with his people in that book. Then, I get to the ending, and God is like way cool. He PROMISES that He is going to root his people, and do new and great things for them. As I read the END of the book of Amos, I was filled with ENCOURAGEMENT once again. Woo-hoo.

Karina Leaving :(

Our manager,Karina, had her last day of work at our store before she gets transferred to another store. So bizarre! We are going to miss her alot!!!!! Why they do that, who knows? Don't they know we need bilingual managers at our restaurant? What were they thinking? Anyways, we all signed a petition to get her to stay at our store. We also want to quit our jobs in protest; oh, I think you call it a strike!! We love her so much.

July, A Month for Reunions...

I am super excited right now. Why? Because this month seems to be a time for reunions with old friends from the past. One day this month will be a luncheon with some old teacher friends from my former elementary school. How exciting is that? I can't wait to see them! Another evening will be a time of "fun, food and fellowship" with old college friends. To see what everyone is up to now, the joys and sorrows we've all gone through, and sharing our stories together will be a truly remarkable and special time. It will breathe life back into us once again. And, we will see how God has not forgotten us, how He is still with us, and how He really cares for us. These will be tims of refreshment and encouragement; and, I can't wait!!!

Happy Feet...

Tuesday after work I took the bus to the train station, and took the train into LA to go to the Grand Spa again. Since I had Wednesday off, I could spend the nite there and relax as I pleased. I was originally planning to get a manicure since my nails NEED it, but, once I arrived there, a foot massage sounded great too. So, I asked for the foot massage, and it was soooo relaxing. I was in heavenly bliss for about 40 minutes; next time I'll definately try the 60 minute foot massage. I was worried because I have ticklish feet, but, no need to worry. The massuese (spelling?) was very professional and knowledgeable about feet! She gave me happy feet!! Then a nice traditional Korean dinner of beef fried rice, and sleeping on the floor mat in the Jade room with warm heated floors; soooo relaxing and sooo comforting!! I got to SLEEP IN until around 10, then took a shower put on my makeup and got ready for the day. I was slightly disappointed I didn't use the other facilities of the sauna this time around, like the pools and wet saunas, but, then I told myself, I'm there to relax, and if this time relaxing meant a foot massage, dinner, the dry sauna room, and the jade room, as long as I enjoyed myself, then it doesn't matter if I used ALL the amenities available there or not! I still had a VERY ENJOYABLE experience at the Grand Spa.

His Mercies are New Every Morning...

I found a new pastime: chatting online with facebook!! Up until about a week ago, I had NO IDEA facebook chatting even existed! Since alot of my friends are on facebook, needless to say, I am thrilled. Last night I had a wonderful chat with one of my good friends, Vic. She had WORDS OF WISDOM for me, for which I am soooo appreciative (thanks Vic!!!).^^

So, I wandered into the Korean Bible Bookstore this morning, in search of a mini compact size Bible. And, I found one! It has a cute flap strip from which you can open it and close it; and, it has a bright orange and pink cover, which I also like. It doesn't look like a Bible, it looks classy and fashionable, which I like! More importantly than buying the Bible, however, I actually OPENED it and even READ it. Since it is July 2nd, here, I began with Proverbs 2. I was very encouraged by these verses. I also bought a LIVING LIFE QT devotional book, and began to delve into that. Today's reading came from the book of Amos, so I began to read there in my NEW PRETTY Bible! I also browsed through Isaiah 51, and, I feel like I can very much relate to David in the psalms. My heart yearns for God to renew a right spirit in me; therefore, I am hopeful that his mercies are new every morning really is true. That's what I'm counting on these days: for his new mercies.

I Love My Job But...

On most days I love my job! It's interesting, and fun, and the time goes by fast. I get to talk with people. I do routine tasks, which I enjoy. And, my coworkers are to me my second family. So, I enjoy myself for the most part. Today, however, was "one of those days" when work was less than pleasant, at least, for a moment, until I was able to recompose myself. I am the cashier at a local bakery and cafe. One lady ordered her sandwich, which she ordered as a "special", meaning, she wanted it her way, not the way we usually prepare it. I told her that she could get the mayonaise at the condiment section over there and pointed, and she said how hard was it for us to add mayo? So, I told her we'd do it for her, no problem. However, that was not enough for her. THEN she said I was acting like it was a big problem for us to add mayo and I told her we'd do it. There really wasn't anything else I could say to her as she was upset I had told her that. THEN she was like, why can't you put mayo on it? YOU NEED AN ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT she told me. Even though I told her 3 times that we'd add the mayo. Maybe she had a hearing problem. I don't know. But, then I told her she needed an attitude adjustment too!!! So, she asked, I mean, demanded, to speak with my manager. I didn't get in trouble, but, needless to say, I won't be telling guests that their mayo is over there!!

Grand Spa

I go through phases where I HAVE to get out of my hometown (Yorba Linda) and find a nice place to relax. So, Tuesday I got off work, went home to clean up, including using my handy-dandy Korean style energy-efficient clothes dryer, then ventured into downtown Los Angeles for some R and R. Just wanted to share I got to eat AUTHENTIC Korean food: Kimchi fried rice for dinner, and in the morning donkasuh for breakfast, Korean pork cutlett. Yum...a nice treat for me. Lately I've been eating homemade Mexican food which i love. But, this was a nice treat for me. And, that's all I have to say about that.

Korean Lessons

Oh my God...I am so jealous...my friend Cara's Korean is AMAZING!!! (I read your messages to Jolie!!) So, I decided to put on hold my lessons for Korean language study. I just didn't have enough money for the tuition this summer. But, come fall, I just might be able to do it. And, I think I will, if all goes according to plan. It is a Yonsei school in Los Angeles that offers a Korean language program. That seems more attainable for me. I'll even get a discount on the tuition if I can find a Yonsei alumni to write a letter for me. Wow~how's that for saving money? Anyways, I still have a strong desire to learn another language, whether it be Korean, or Spanish. So, saving my pennies for fall.

An Excellent Invention

I am so excited. I used my Korean style clothes dryer the other day. What a great invention!!! It is nothing more than a tool of wire to hang dry one's clothes. However, I must say, I feel proud and amazed, somewhat SURPRISED at myself, for enjoying this new lifestyle so much! I mean really, what "normal", middle-class, Western person WILINGLY CHOOSES to hang dry their clothes instead of using a traditional clothes dryer? I love the thought that I'm conserving energy, saving money, and making a POSITIVE ("GREEN") contribution to our environment. Two years ago, I never thought like that before. In fact, I was ANNYOED and IRRITATED that Koreans used hang drying methods. But now, I think it makes alot of sense. I never imagined myself hang drying my clothes as a preferred lifestyle choice, but, it feels great to me now to be doing so at this moment in time!!

I'm beating the heat and other things...

Today was sooooo hot!! It was 104 F at noon today; yesterday was 105 F as well. To cool off after work today I went to the movies. Two hours of wonderful air conditioning. I saw the movie "The Love Guru". The audience was rolling with laughter. You should see it if you can. Yesterday after work one of my co-workers, Matt, was kind enough to give me a ride. So, he dropped me off at the park where I took an afternoon nap for 3 hours under a tree!! Oh, how I needed the rest after my 2 days off. I went on Tuesday, right after work, to the sauna, and spent the nite there. It was sooooooo relaxing!! On Wednesday I left the spa around 11, had a late breakfast at The Coffee Bean; it was there that I tried my first ever hazlenut ice blended drink; i loved it!! After a cottage cheese with raspberry topping and an English scone, I headed over to the Yonsei Korean language campus in LA. However, they were not able to see me that day due to other appointments they had. So, I hung out at the pc room (the computer room) for a couple of hours before heading by train back to Orange County. It was a nice day to get out, then at home I relaxed more, napping and watching tv. On Thursday my other day off I ran errands with a friend. Yes, I did it: I bought a Korean style clothes dryer!!! The kind where you hang your clothes from!! I can't believe it, but I did. Actually, I had been wanting one for quite some time now, partly because my landlord charges a dollar in quarters to dry a load of laundry, and I was hoping to save about a dollar a week per load in drying money. Now, I am saving that money, plus the cost of energy it would take to run the dryer too. I am amazed and quite proud of myself, I must say!!! It's strange,to me, a little bit, to live this way, without a dryer, but, at the same time, after living in Korea over 3 years, it doesn't seem so weird. It seems rather economical to me!!

As for my mental condition, right now it is allright. Today at work was slow, probably because of the hot weather. Only one man, who spoke with an accent, called me rude today! As I was taking his order, it was very difficult for me to understand him. I was like, I'm sorry, but I can't understand you. Let's try again. Anyways, I'm glad work is over for today. And, when I think about my life situation right now, meaning, no car, renting a room, low-paying job, little spending money, I think, "allright, Monica, it won't be like this forever". And, I can get by; I can survive. That's when I'm in my RIGHT mind. When I'm optimistic, and hopeful. Like today. But, on other days, when I'm not in a good frame of mind, I think, "no car, no boyfriend/no love, forget it". I know I got enough sleep last night, and, I slept well, so, I feel well rested today. Some days I still struggle with insomnia, and that might affect my thinking as well (being less clear or rational). So, that was my day today. I'm thinking about making chicken enchiladas tonite, tomorrow, or this week when I have time. Tomorrow is Sunday, I go into work at 10 am. And, our weather is supposed to cool down to 85 F. More later...

Grand Spa in Los Angeles, California

So, yesterday I finished working 5 days in a row at my cashiering job. Typically I work 2 days on 1 day off, or 3 days on then one day off, but this week I had 5 days in a row on, and then 2 days in a row off. So, as soon as I got off work, I headed to the bus stop where I got the bus to Fullerton. From there I was able to take the train into LA, and then a short subway ride into the city. I went to Grand Spa, which is for men and women. I took a wonderful sit-down type of shower. It felt so good. Then, into the pools for me. First the warm soak, then the hot soak, and finally the cold cold soak. My body was loving it. As I was taking my sit down style shower, I was pondering about our drought. We, in California, are in a drought. So, how can we rationalize how much water we use (for the saunas?). I didn't have an answer. My only rationale was that, hey, at least I was using cool water, and therefore less energy, than a hot hot shower! Besides, when at home, I am taking shorter showers these days so as to be more environamentally friendly and concious. So, back to my sauna trip. Then, I just relaxed in the pool rooms, rinsed off with some cool water, and went into the blazing hot steam room for 5 minutes, cooled off, then went to the blazing hot mist steam room for another 5 minutes or so. I tell ya, these rooms were VERY RELAXING to me. It was just what I needed after a 5 day week of work.

Then I opted for some Korean food. I ordered dwen chang chi gae, one of my all time favorites. Oops, I ate a bite of jalepeno and burned my throat, nose, and stomach. My body didn't know what happened to it. I proceeded to eat more carefully after that. By then it was around 11 so I hit the hay until morning time. I slept on these foam pads on the floor where there is heat that comes up from underneath the floor. It was a familiar, cozy feeling to me! I took a sleeping pill to help me sleep better, and was only up once or twice durning the nite to use the bathroom. Come morning time, my body was soooo relaxed by this point, I wanted more! So, I lounged around, half in a doze for a couple more hours, in the tv lounge room in a lounge chair that stretched out. I was so comfortable, and so relaxed. I could have easily stayed there all day!! But, no, I enjoyed a french vanilla latte from the fresh grind vending machine while reading my book, A New Earth. Then it was time to get ready for the day and move on. While I probably can't afford to go to the sauna every week, once in a while is quite fine too. It's $20 to stay overnite, not including train fare, food, and miscellaneous. However, I will say this. That the $20 fee for the sauna was DEFINATELY worth it. I relaxed, and feel rejuvenated. Whatever stress I had the day before have vanished, disappeared, and melted away. Allright, maybe not totally. But, my mental outlook on life improved drastically all from one nite of pleasure with the sauna. This is definately a lifestyle keeper!!!

What day is it today?

I finished my 5th day in a row of work today. I woke up this morning confused. It was a Tuesday, but I was like, uh, what day is it? Is it my day off today? Oh well. I don't have a regular work schedule. I am at the boba loca cafe right now as I write this. I'm due to catch the bus to downtown fullerton in about 10 minutes. Then off to a sauna in Korea town, Los Angeles, for some relaxation in the spas tonite. Tomorrow maybe the beach then Thursday shopping. I am bringing a book with me, "A New Earth." I've had this book in hand for a few months now, but am just now delving into it. More later...I don't wanna miss my bus!!

I Admire My Friends' Blogs...

I was reading one of my friend's blogs yesterday, Jackie Bolen. Man, I am so jealous! She has the ability to take ordinary life, and write it into something creative, and interesting to read. I admire her blog, really. I also read Julene's blog, and it was good to read about her life, and what she's been up to. She's experiencing the change of life right now, and I admire her as well. And then there's Cara. She just finished her 2 years of teaching ESL in Asia, and now she gets to spend a summer studying further her Korean. I am so jealous of her. It seems like my friends are leading intersting, extraordinary lives, and then there's me, and like, my life seems so boring compared to theirs!! Well, I shouldn't compare, but, really, I do, or I did!! So, I am inspired from my blogging friends to try to make my blog more interesting, even the mundane of life. Ha, we shall see.

My life is pretty boring right now. I am limited to how I get around, since I am without a car right now. Walking in the heat this afternoon was barely tolerable. I am saving up for a bed right now, and then maybe I'll think about getting a car. Part of me opts not to get a car, simply because I don't look forward to paying $4 or $5 dollars a gallon for gas!! Really, $50 a month for a bus pass is more palatable for my budget, but, I would LOVE the freedom that comes from having your own wheels.

I've been studying Spanish less often than before. I bought a workbook and began to go through it, but got busy or burned out, or just side-tracked from my studies. But, I have friends at work who are hungry to learn English better, so, I am working on figuring out a way to help them! I bought bilingual word cards a few months back, for me to study for learning Spanish, but they have proved to be an entertaining way for my co-workers to learn English in a non-threatening format. Who would have guessed?

And, on another note, more seriously, my mental health. I hate that I have issues in this department, but, I do. Since being back in the States last November, I got to see a doctor in December. But, that was in the emergency room. They referred me to a county clinic. But, guess what? After reviewing my case, they decided I wasn't SICK ENOUGH to warrant full services from them. So, I went to a low-cost clinic, but the doctor there thought I was bipolar, and couldn't afford the medicines he wanted to prescribe me. So, he sent me back to the county clinic, and now I'm trying to find a doctor to HELP ME. I don't like BOUNCING from one doctor to another clinic, and not getting ADEQUATE CARE for my mind and emotions. I've been in a down mode for the past couple of weeks, but not ROCK BOTTOM like I've experienced before. Today I feel FINE, but, every day I never know how I'm going to feel. I'm not sure this makes any sense, but, it's part of the EBB AND FLOW of someone who struggles with depression, even if only mildly. So, if I can get the proper help I need, I should be fine. But, if I fall between the cracks, or, don't get the right kind of help I need in time, then I'll suffer needlesslly. I never want to make my friends suffer in memory of me. That would suck. For them I mean. Anyways, this is me, putting myself out there one more time.

I like living on my own. Sort of. I like where I live, in Yorba Linda. Our home feels peaceful. Our neighborhood feels safe. I like that. And, it's only about a 10 or 15 minute walk from the bus stop. My room is small, but it's all I need. And, most of all, there are people around me. So, it is the best thing for me right now. But, as I think about my life, especially my future, what is it? What do I have to look forward to? Who and where will I live as I grow old? I mean really, am I going to be 40 and 50 something, living in a rented room for the rest of my life? Is THAT what I have to look forward to? The thing I noticed that seems to trigger my suicidal thinking is of being alone. At 40. How did I get to this age, and not become married? What is so wrong and terrible with me that no one would want to marry me? These are the thoughts that bring me down.

And, I'm glad I got to share in this post. Until next time...

PS...I've got off this week 2 days, and hope to go to the beach, the sauna, who knows?

Father's Day...

It's the worst day in the world: Father's Day. I have to work. It's Sunday. I HAD been getting Sundays off, but my work schedule changed. Now, it's someone else's turn to get Sundays off~lucky for them!! So, I'm bored. Bored out of my mind. I cherish the friend times I had when I was in Korea. I don't have that now. Making time for friends seems to be so difficult, between different schedules. I like to cook on my days off. Last week I made fideo and also mexican meat with potatoes. I enjoy cutting up the vegetables and other ingredients, and seeing it all come together. I've been down in the dumps lately, and cooking was one of the highlights of my week. I am thinking about taking up the study of Korean this summer, simply as a hobby, to keep me occupied. I was also thinking of joining an adult summer reading program through the library. Until next time...

The Bucket List

Who here has seen the movie, "The Bucket List"? I have not yet seen it, but, I'd really like to. What are the things you'd like to do before you die? We all have them, dreams, hopes, desires, and aspirations. Do we dare begin and/or continue to achieve these? As for me, here is a short, list in progress, of my current hopes and dreams, or, put another way, my own bucket list. As you read, I hope it inspires you to create your own, if you haven't already begun one, of a bucket list.

Love and marriage with a man who ADORES me...
Africa~meet a pen pal, see a safari...
Fluency in 3 languages: English, Spanish, and Korean
Family time on a regular basis...
Complete Korean trip(s) scrapbooks =)
Enjoy my life...be happy...choose cheerfulness...
Make or create a photo book of places I've personally traveled to
Write and publish a book...specifically, my autobiograpy...
Work and/or volunteer in an orphanage abroad...

Family Matters...

2 white clouds alone in the clear sky blue sky, as we were traveling the 710 freeway to visit grandma's house. She told us to enjoy our lives. She's 84. Her grandmother lived to 100 or more, so, she might live a long time too. We enjoyed jamba juice, and refreshing drinks at the beach. Huntington Beach. What a fantastic day!! A ton of people who also wanted to ejnjoy the California sunshine were there as well. Must have been in the 90s if not 100. After laying out for a while we dipped into the beach water. So cool, so refreshing!! Was loving every minute of it. Thursday~a day of hanging out at Borders with my precious sister, Mia. Then off to Don JOse's for a spur of the moment dinner with the siblings. Turned out EVERYONE came, to bid farewells to our dear sister. Paul, June, Joey , Steph. Mom too!! We laughed and we laughed. It was a bar, where were sitting in, after all!! Friday nite Mia made a chocolate cake, half with white frosting, and the other half with chocolate frosting. What a great solution to the differing taste buds of our family...and all could enjoy a piece without bickering!! Yes, even Saturday we had drinks and appetizers at El Torito, while the Lakers were playing. Last Sunday we enjoyed a full day at the Korean spa, as previously mentioned in another blog. We all got massages and scrubs...it was a fun, relaxing experience, and, we did it ogether!! Thursday nite we got pedicures and manicures, mom's treat!! Again, the 3 girls TOGETHER. Such a wonderful wonderful week of BEING TOGETEHR. I'm gonna miss my dear sister Mia, as she travels to another country and does her thing. It's so great that she gets to do that. And, I will treasure the times we had together this week, in my heart, and in my memory, for a long long time. She's putting up pictures of our time together. I can't wait to see them . See you in 3 months Mia, before you take off again for another year!! Love you and miss you sister!!

Inter Cultural Reltationships

I am sooooo happy. Why? Because my sister is in town this week, and we got to spend some time together! (She's been working out of town the past year, so we hadn't gotten to see much of each other lately.) I invited her to try a Korean sauna here in the Orange County (California) area, and she said YES!! Not only did she enjoy it, but my mom did as well. We got the Korean style scrubs and oil massage, and I was so thrilled that they liked it. WE were so relaxed! But, what was interesting to me, was to get their input, feedback and comments on some of the other jim jil bang rooms there too. For example, when we walked into one of the cool/colder rooms, they were like, oh, this is the walkin refrigerator, and oh, the walls are white like the snow!! Yes, there comments were true, but it gave me great pleasure in hearing them. It was theri first experience. I remember my first experience. I didn't like it. Amazing thing is,now I LOVE the sauna/spas and gim jil bangs!! I love to relax there and "de-stress". On another note,we also visited mly granma in Los Angeles. I'llwrite more about it later. but,one thing that sttood out in my heart and mind from that visit were the words and comments made by her. She told us to "enjoy our lives while we were still young". She told us, you've eenjooyed your life with all your travels. It made an impact on me. I'm getting ready to make my "bucket list" now, and rent the video. Until next time...Mon

Is Revival Happening in the USA?

Is revival happening in the USA?

Find out for yourself by logging into www.god.tv or on dish tv on the god tv channel.

Last weekend, my friend took me to her church. I spent the night at her house, in Los Angeles, she fed me a homemade Korean dinner. Then in the morning she fed me toast and eggs, along with fresh fruit, blackberries in season, and then she drove us to her church in Mission Viejo. What a service it was! All I can say is that it seemed like the power of God was in that place, and the presence of God was in that place. Just hearing the Word of God preached, and singing the Word of God was completely uplifting to me. Afterwards, we went with a group of missionaries to Korea for Korean food in Irvine. It was one of the few times I have had Christian fellowship in a long time.

So, God did a miracle in me; I wanted to return to worship service Sunday night! And, the neat thing was, I felt like I belonged. The building was familiar, and the people were familiar. I got to see many old friends and leaders, and, I just wonder to myself, what took me so long? I'm reading the Word more lately, but, I still have a long ways to go. My friend Byron told me, to get soaked in the Word. THAT is my goal, and, I hope, and pray, God sends people my way to soak in the Word together with!!! I really do~until next time...

Does God love me?

Does God speak today through dreams?

I wonder if God speaks to us today through dreams? When we have a dream, how do we know if it is from God or not? A couple of nights ago, I had one such dream. In my dream one of my friends took me to what seemed to be a worship service. We arrived and I sat down in a relaxing armchair. I closed my eyes and began to sing along with the congregation, how I knew the words to the songs I don't know. But, I do remember being and feeling very happy in my dream, all because I was joining in with the saints to sing and worship God through music. Then I awoke. After I awoke, I realized I also had an unusual urge and desire to read my Bible as well. For those who know me, I haven't been in the Word much lately, nor have I attended worship services on a consistant basis in a long, long time. So, this dream, I believe, is a dream from God, calling me, and wooing me, and pulling me, closer to Him. It's certainly not a dream from the satan, he wouldn't want me to be joyful or happy or in God's presence. The next day I awoke, all I could do was talk about my dream to other people, and hope that it gives glory to God, grace to it's hearers, and encouragement to the Body. That's it for now. Until next time...p.s...please write me~I miss you, and would SO LOVE to hear from you~!!!!!

Today is Training Tuesday

I like my friend Julen's blog, because I feel like she has something to say, and says it in an intelligent way. Every blog is different and unique though, right? So, today I've officially started training for becoming one of our store trainers. Yippeeeee. I'm looking forward to challenging myself, as well as working with other people and communicating with others. On another note, I have a homestay living situation now, which I really like. I have other roommates in a nice house in Orange county, sharing the main rooms but with my own bedroom. It's good for me, though I miss my family too. My life is pretty boring right now; just working and going home. I need some social activities to pick me up once again!!!

Happy Easter

It's Easter and I'm at the computer, indoors to beat the heat. (My dad called me mean names last week and I'm like so done with him right now.) The glass is half empty or the glass is half full. I guess it just all depends on how you look at things. To me, my life is like crap right now: I'm friendless, alone, out of community, without a car, without a man, without a lot of money, and having to depend solely on myself to make ends meet. I could choose to look at my life and say, well, it sucks right now. Or, I can choose to see that this place that I'm in is not forever, and will eventually pass, maybe even turning better. I just need to take care of my attitude and do an attitude check every once in a while to see if I'm on track! I love my last entry about readjusting to life in Orange County. That seems to be the running theme of my life right now!

Readjusting to Life in Orange County, California

This is a year of readjusting to life in Orange County. I've decided, and allowed myself time for it. Getting a job at a local cafe was "smooth like butter" (fairly easy). I'm doing well in my job, and am beginning to think I should challenge myself more in my current position. Since returning from Korea last month, I've been struggling with my mood and emotions; I'm not sure why. I'm guessing that returning to Korea, while enjoyable overall, especially in seeing my friends, was also an upsetting experience. Perhaps that time was a "trigger" for me; or, perhaps my age and life's accomplishments, or feeling a lack thereof, has me leaning towards getting down in the dumps. Whatever the reason, I've decided there are several things I could do to get myself going in a better direction. I've realized that I need to expand my social connections, make new friendships, and here is my tentative plan for that process. I miss immensely the friends I had in Korea. Not a day goes by when I don't think of them!

Combat Depression~

Rejoin my yoga class
Study Spanish
Join a small group at church, such as an Anger Management class.
Beginning attending Saturday nite worship at new church.
Call my friends. Be with my friends, and people (EXTREMELY IMPORTANT).
Join a scrapbooking class.
Restart counseling sessions.

Monday Memories in Cheonan

I could have slept all day today. Was it due to jet lag or some other reason? But, thankfully, I had a lunch appointment with Byron so I had to get up! Did some personal business after that. Met some Korean girls and went to Krispy Kreme donuts for chatting. Met Cara at Starbucks, running into Adam and Elise, and Rob too. I really enjoyed my time with Cara today, talking, reminiscing, and catching up. It was a special, busy day, filled with meeting friends and talking and sharing our lives together. What I liked about today was all the talking with old friends. Met the girls for coffee after dinner. Jolie and Soyouhng. So played the piano for us. What a special treat! I have the best friends a person could ever ask for! I thank God for every friend He's given me. Oh, and by the way, many people have commented on how peaceful I look now. I couldn't agree more with them. I was down in the dumps last year for an extended period of time, and once I returned to the states an amazing lift happened to me. God did it!!

First Day in Cheonan

What was good about today? Seeing alot of people that I knew from Cheonan, feeling welcomed by everyone. Having a coffee time with the girls from church. Getting my personal belongings more sorted and organized thanks to Cara and Jennifer!! Eating dinner with Cara, Jennifer, Kim and Victor. Walking and talking with Cara, LAUGHING TOGETHER with Cara is SO FUN!! And finally, meeting up with my former boss for drinks and talking. I got an invite to stay with his family so I am feeling very loved. To top it all off, I got a nice phone call from a good friend to say hello. Could I not feel more loved? Thanks God for the nice trip, the good friends, and the good memories! It means alot to me to get to have this short time here!

try new things

So, last week I felt isolated from other co-workers due to the language barrier. So, I decided to try a new thing. The next day I went into work, I made myself communicate with the Spanish speaking co-workers in whatever language I could, whether English OR Spanish. I just talked! And, to my pleasant surprise, I also got positive responses, that is, their communication with me. So, problem solved. I also discussed this with another person and she suggested just asking them what they were talking about. So, two good solutions to my work-related problem. Hey, I'm really glad I got that resolved!

I need a solution...

I like my new job at the Corner Bakery Cafe in Anaheim Hills. But, I have a problem. Most of my co-workers are Spanish speaking and speak amongst themselves, leaving me to feel alone, left out and isolated. It's not intentional of course; Spanish is their primary language. The problem is that I don't understand most of what they're saying, so I find myself upset. My level of Spanish is intermediate. What should I do?

yoga anyone?

I signed up for a yoga class today. I am OH SO EXCITED! And, as for yesterday's feeling of aloneness, that has passed for now. Just letting the reader know. And, one of my friends called me this afternoon, and we met for dinner. She was so thrilled to get my Corner Bakery discount!! Anyways, like I was telling my other friend, Hanna, one thing I learned while in Korea the past 2 years is that TALKING is VERY VERY NECESSARY for our lives!! Tonight I got to talk, and LISTEN, to a friend tonight. More next time...

utterly alone

An overwhelming sense of aloneness today. Will that feeling ever end? Just for a moment, but long enough to bring me to tears. Tears brings a sense of relief though. Maybe my period is on it's way; I hope so; at least that would explain the emotions perhaps.

happy birthday to me

Monday morning, the day of my birthday, I had to work at 5:30 am. Oh my gawd, can you say early? I got to work with the best crew ever. They sang me happy birthday, to my embarrassment, and my manager bought a birthday cake. That was a really nice and unexpected gift. For dinner I went out to Mexican dinner with the family. Even my brother and his girlfriend gave me a card and a gift. I can't complain about this birthday because it was good. I got some really nice cards through the email as well, that were uplifting and encouraging. It is such a beautiful day today, sunny, and my day off, I must go do something fun!

hilarious

I have the most hilarious co-workers in town. Mind you, I'm not a morning person. So, I start my shift at 7 am as a cashier in a local cafe. One morning last week, when I entered the store, my co-workders WELCOMED me with CHEERS of hellos, WARM greetings and a PARADE, all just for me!! OMG (oh my gawd), are they not funny? That was how my day started. Ya, ya, I love the attention. At least I know they like me!!